


Lance Mcclain is (not) okay

by ScrambledScreams



Series: in which I hurt the voltron characters [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Other, Trans Lance, Trans Male Character, i hurt so I'm hurting the boy, it's lowkey tho but still, y'all know how it goes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 13:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13296297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScrambledScreams/pseuds/ScrambledScreams
Summary: He remembers the desperate moments perched over the toilet with his fingers pressing down on the back of his tongue, gagging around them as he tried to make himself throw up what he'd eaten (but ultimately failed, falling back with his eyes streaming and his nose running and an anguished sob stuck in his chest).Lance Mcclain has never truly been happy with his body.





	Lance Mcclain is (not) okay

He 

hates, his body.

Today, at least.

Because - 

Sometimes he's alright with a soft stomach, thick hips and chubby thighs, because they are all beautiful and _he_ is beautiful 

But then those jeans don't quite fit on him like he'd like

And there's a little more spilling over his waistband than he'd like

Or that shirt clings too tightly to his body, bringing to surface all his bodily flaws and imperfections 

-

Hiding behind baggy clothes has the unfortunate side effect of making him look larger than he actually is, but sometimes that's all that helps get him out of bed.

Because clothes that actually fit him sit too close to his stomach for comfort, ride up on his hips and cup the swell of his chest -

And it's just easier to hide himself behind sweatpants and his jacket, locking his (disgusting awful horrendous who could ever love it) body away so only he can ever see it

-

(Because no one could love him like this, no one could even begin to like someone like him)

-

They're not exactly proud moments in his life, but Lance can remember each and every failed attempt to lose weight.

He remembers the desperate moments perched over the toilet with his fingers pressing down on the back of his tongue, gagging around them as he tried to make himself throw up what he'd eaten (but ultimately failed, falling back with his eyes streaming and his nose running and an anguished sob stuck in his chest).

He remembers the month where he lost twenty-eight pounds in thirty days because he just stopped eating altogether - then gained it back (too quickly fatty, you're going to balloon) because his mother started watching his portions, making sure he was eating more and he was _scared_

He remembers the diets, under a guise of being healthy and instead eating as little as he could possibly get away with, being excited and happy when the fat started to melt away then losing it all when he ended up binging on his Halloween candy, and lost motivation.

He remembers, now, as he stares at the roof of his room on the castle and breathes.

Lance Mcclain has never truly been happy with his body. 

(He doesn't need to get better or skinnier or more fit, he just needs to learn to love himself like Hunk, because Hunk is truly gorgeous and it shines out of every pore of his being and Lance wishes so badly it hurts that he could have that but he

can't)

-

"Lance, have you eaten today?"

"Didn't see you at breakfast, you doing alright?"

-

this would be so much easier if people stopped giving him food

-

his ideal image goes from someone who's fit and built into a skeleton who's barely there, hipbones chafing against his jeans and he wants it so badly but when he looks in the mirror he thinks "Who could ever love me?" and loses his motivation, because he's never going to fix himself into anything worthwhile 

and it's not

it's not bad, yet. He's not anorexic because he eats a healthy, proper(improper you pig you gorge yourself on food cramming it into your mouth at any given chance) amount and he's still a healthy (obese, you've read your bmi you're disgustingly obese) weight and he's not bulimic because he can't force himself to throw up, so he's

fine.

-

he's not

fine.

-

because it can't be normal to hate what you see in the mirror, can't be normal to count the calories in your food and cry over it at night, can't be normal to wish you lived alone or that people didn't care about you so that you could just stop eating and waste away into thin shards of nothingness 

Lance Mcclain hates himself, but he eats and doesn't starve, so he must be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> it's been a fucking Day™ and i'm probably going to relapse if you can even relapse on something that was barely there at all, so here i am projecting onto the blue boy because this world can never have enough Langst


End file.
